An Outsider Watching
by Dana Doggett
Summary: Mulder watches Doggett and Scully interact.


Title: An Outsider Watching

Author: Dana Doggett

E-mail:

Date: November 20, 2005

Rating: PG

Category: Mulder POV, Doggett/Scully, pre-ep "Nothing Important Happened Today I"

Archive: Semper Fi, XFMU, Spookys, Gossamer

Beta: Sue, Alexa

Spoilers: General season 8, "Empedocles".

Note: I was just itching to do a Doggett/Scully fanfic in a whole different way than I normally do. This is the result.

Dedication: To Sue for her birthday. Enjoy! *hugs*

Summary: Mulder watches Doggett and Scully interact.

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It wasn't something I ever expected to happen. An imperceptible touch, a knowing glance were signs of affection that I'm sure neither one of them realized were telling. I took notice of these things almost immediately upon my return.

I sit now and watch Scully and Doggett as they are seated on the couch across from me. Scully holds William, her little miracle, in her arms as Doggett looks on adoringly at both of them.

I find it amazing how close they have gotten during the time I was missing. I guess that's what can happen when you unite two like-minded persons as partners working so close together. A connection will happen whether either of them is prepared for it or not. Or, in this case, whether either of them has realized it or not.

Easiest to see right away was that Doggett had developed feelings for Scully. Jealousy struck me and coursed through my veins letting me know by instinct that John could be real competition. My gut was telling me that this man might be more suited for Scully than I. I was no longer the only one she could count on in her need. He's everything I never could be for her. I have chosen to live my life my way, while Scully desires another I could never provide.  
While I was gone, Doggett stood by her side. He protected her. Hell, he even saved her life on more than one occasion. Sure, I came to her rescue too, but I'm embarrassed to admit that I've also managed to ditch her more times than I care to count. I'm certain he didn't commit the same acts of abandonment.

I knew John was in love with her when I witnessed him watching her in the hospital room a couple of months ago. I saw it in his eyes. I know that look. I've admired Scully in that way a hundred times before. There's no denying how much feeling Doggett has for her, and I don't blame him. Scully's an easy woman to love.

I saw it in her eyes too. There was no missing the depth of emotion that shone from her eyes when she told me that Doggett was worth the effort to help. This guy has meant something to her, more than she knows, and I hope she realizes that, because she seems to need him in her life more than she has ever needed me.  
Knowing that I'm not the one she can love in that manner breaks my heart. She tries to put on a good fa ade for me, but I'm no fool, I know that her heart just doesn't want to go back to the relationship we had before I disappeared. I could even feel it in the kiss we shared the other night. That spark just wasn't there anymore. We had drifted apart by a gap further than William could bridge. Neither one of us at fault, we need to face this truth. Our truth.

This realization is a blessing in disguise, though. I break her heart and complicate her life. I know this. So many times I've brought tears to her eyes. Not tears of joy or happiness, but tears of sadness, unhappiness, and perhaps even regret. I hate that she will associate me with her most painful memories. I want more than anything to see her happy. She's been through so much heartache because of me, she deserves to live a better life.

Doggett pulls out a little stuffed animal dog for William. The gift brought a sincere smile to Scully's face. She's so beautiful when she smiles. Why can't I seem to entice such a radiant smile from her?

Scully gently places William in Doggett's arms, and he holds him, speaking to him in a voice reserved for babies and puppy dogs. My stomach twinges with the feeling of regret. I still can't believe what a year apart has done to Scully and I.

John's smile is sincere, too, just like Scully's. She holds the stuffed dog in front of William. This makes the little guy smile, too. Scully glances up at Doggett from lowered eyelids. Their eyes connect, communicating something I cannot begin to comprehend.

I may be William's father or, heck I may not be. Scully doesn't wish to run a paternity test. I think she's afraid of how her miracle came to be. So am I. Even if I am his father, the necessary early connection has not been made. I feel uncomfortable around Scully now that William has come into her life. I only feel like an outsider watching them now.

Watching the three of them interact is bittersweet. I crack a smile despite myself. John and Dana will make wonderful parents. I only wish I could stick around and watch them form a family.  
I stand up and excuse myself from the room. I need to get my clothes out of the dryer and finish packing. Scully hasn't told Doggett yet, but I'm leaving tomorrow morning.

Yes, I'm leaving her again. Only this time I don't feel guilty for having to do so. I know she's in good hands. She was the one who convinced me I must leave, that it would be safer for all of us if I were to go into hiding.  
I go into the hallway and open the shutter doors to access the dryer. Heaving a heavy sigh, I begin taking my clothes out and placing them into a laundry basket. What I have to do is difficult, heart-breaking if you will, but it is the right thing to do.  
I hear Scully and Doggett laugh quietly in the other room. I smile. I'm glad she has finally found someone who makes her happy.

END

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